I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
