Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
