haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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