Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize