apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
