when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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