i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize