i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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