That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
