cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my shit smells like andre
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
