I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Damn victory sex feels great
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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