dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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