Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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