I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
