I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
