I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
