at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
