Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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