I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
