ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
