I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
