Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
