did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
