I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
