Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
