my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize