you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
