the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
