that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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