i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
