I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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