She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
