How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
