Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize