put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
