It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm like, not good at living.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
