She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
