In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
