her vagine was all disorganized.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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