i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
