Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
