i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize