we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
