Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
