I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
zippers are such a cool invention
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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