I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
