I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
