OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize