That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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