She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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