My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
