And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i've created a new STD.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
