Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
