mondays should just be called national damage control day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
