the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
