My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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