D3 body, D1 cock
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
