my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
