So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone signed my nipple.
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