i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hippo gnu deer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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