I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
