We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
