Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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