I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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