This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
