I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
