he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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