xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
