I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize