He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
