Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
