you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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